new emotion unlocked: Nostalgia

July 16, 2024

Nostalgia is an emotion I never really thought about. In October I will turn twenty-three finally hitting another milestone of the life-changing '20s stage.' Truly after I turned twenty life became more stressful because my decisions and actions were serious, they were intentional. If I agree to this, what will happen with that? I applaud my perseverance in looking forward to another year.

It's funny how opinions change. I think I used to look up to people who visually looked like they were managing it all, but now I completely understand. Constantly I'm battling boredom. Waking up on my day off of work is a nightmare. I don't know what to do first. Relax, clean, study, eat - my choices are so overwhelming I freeze. Stuck with my phone, lying under blankets, and with no willpower to move.

Back to Nostalgia

Summer for my childhood was everything. My family would be outside all the time. Going to trails, parks, restaurants, and road trips. On my personal YouTube channel, I create videos of some of those trips. I still have dreams about how the world felt at that time like a big wide adventure.

I recorded and edited this video of our week-long trip to New York City. Watching this video in 2024 (versus 2016/2017), life has changed but it still feels like this video. Every day I explore different areas of wide open land in Wyoming, a completely different way of life for me. Living in a beach town, an overpopulated city, and now a small town nostalgia hits differently.

I miss my nativity, curiosity, and non-existent fear that I had at sixteen exploring a huge city like New York with my mom. We got lost that day. It was raining we were frustrated and eventually made our way back to our hotel safely, full of pizza and soda. It was not a fun experience but I did learn how to make the best of a situation and to still have fun through it all.

'I want to go back' - a tantrum

I have this mental tantrum every day. I want to go back to a time when I was happy, comfortable with living my life, and having confidence in my own decisions without the opinions of others. I want to go back to when I didn't have to look at my phone when I was bored. I want to feel, for the first time that excitement after rolling down a hill of a grassy field, seeing a butterfly or even a dragon fly. That is never coming back and that is what the '20s stage' is all about.

This period is all about going back in time and doing everything you used to do as a child with an adult mindset. I still travel. I roam my new town and find my favorite places in a place I've never been before. I try to meet new people at these places and put my personality on display for a chance to make new friends. I collect and create, drawings, quotes, and poems to stay connected to myself, my best friend.

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