dear nine year old me

if you could talk to you ten years ago, what would you say?

Yo stop using the internet. It is not the way to go.

Stop talking to boys in your class as if they will pay you any attention, it is not a good look. Just accept your great friendship with them and move along. I'm telling you right now, we're doing alright. We don't need male attention to feel good.

Now, friendships.

I know, we both know, trying to find girlfriends is so hard when you feel to masculine to do so. I don't have any advice for you for that but I do want to tell you it doesn't matter at all. Friends will not care about your appearance, so should you.

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I miss being in the fourth grade. I remember writing stories in class about a family of talking dogs named Lola and how they would go on adventures. My teacher was amazing. She continued to encourage us to read and write all the time. Thats really all I would do.

My mom would come into my room most nights, turning off my light because I was reading late. One time I woke up with my light still on and my book laying on my face.

Reading was so much fun and helped me fall in love, kill vampires, and sometimes I would read school books.

If I were to pick up any book right now, my brain would explode. It's so hard to read a book without thinking about tomorrow, next year, what happened last night, what's going on now- my brain is endless.

On the other hand, I can read my text books completely interested, pressured with homework, tests, and the need to take notes to pass the class.

Recently I took my Chicanos class online, and it was amazing. I was reading intently and It was so easy to focus. I was so happy with learning something new and related to my community and friends that I'm still able to remember certain concepts from the class.

The main quality that I hate about my current-self is my capability to read. I really miss it. It allowed me to speak so much better and coherently. I don't speak like that anymore. Not as confidently as I used to.

To end things off I guess with the actual main question for this post is what I would say.

Do whatever you want nine year old Kamryn I really have no idea how I would be like if you didn't act the way you do.